Batman punched Joker in his stupid grinning face before Twilight Sparkle could stop him.
“Bruce!” she cried as he drew back his fist once more.
“He killed my parents, Twilight,” Batman growled “And also Jason Todd.”
“No Bruce, the fans killed Jason Todd. You were there. You know this. Plus he’s come back to life so that’s kind of a moot point.”
Batman hesitated long enough to inspire hysterical laughter from the Joker, which Batman silenced by smashing the psychopath’s head against the wall.
“Well, my parents are still dead,” Batman pouted. “You wouldn’t understand. You don’t have parents!”
“Look,” Twilight Sparkle sighed, “We don’t have time for this. Pinkie Pie’s team is preparing our defenses at the Wall, but it may not be enough to stop the White Walking Dead. The council is gathering and Superman is–” Twilight bit her tongue, but it was too late to take back her words. Even though it was Batman that had broken up with Superman, everyone knew the Dark Knight still had feelings for the Man of Steel. Batman just hadn’t expected Superman to get over him so quickly.
“That bastard really didn’t have to post all those damn selfies of him and Diana all over Facebook. ”
Twilight threw up her hooves. “Fine. Forget it. Stay here and punch Joker, and wallow in your own darkness all you want. I’ve got a ‘verse to save.”
“Bruce is busy,” Twilight grumbled, slumping into her chair. She exchanged knowing glances with Tony Stark and the Winchester brothers.
At the head of the council chamber, Dark Grimhock resumed her motivational speech. “Lord Voldemort’s made a critical error, and the time for our attack has come. The One Thing must be taken to the forges of Neverland and reforged into the mighty Sword of Omens.”
Optimus Prime transformed and rolled into the council chambers. “How do we plan to do that?”
“Professor Xavier and Gandalf have discovered a secret entrance to the Capitol that is only accessible when the Infinity Stones are in alignment, which, we have learned, will occur before the sun sets on the third day.”
Dark Grimhock’s solemn face grew solemner. “Many Sean Beans died to bring us this information.” She thumped her trident once, and stepped down from the podium.
Mecha Brennan stood, her metal frame and shocking pink boob plates glistening in the artificial light of the twin suns of Sparta. “Hail Hydra,” she said stonily, giving the accompanying rock, paper, lizard, spock salute.
“Black Heimdal is awaiting our signal at the Bifrost,” she began. “He will transport our jaegers beyond the wall. The One Thing will be placed in the trust of the newest members of our committee.”
“And who might they be?” Benedict Cumberbatch said in his sexy Benedict Cumberbatch voice, shortly before he transformed, revealing that he was actually Loki, and then proceeded to repeat those words sexily in his sexy Tom Hiddleston voice.
As if on cue, Lt. O’Brien energized the transporters. When the sparkly sparkles cleared, there stood five of the strangest companions the council had ever seen.
“Who the hell are they?” demanded Tinkerbell.
Star-Lord struck a pose. “We’re the Guardians of the Galaxy, bitches.”