BREAKING NEWS: @digitaltempest and @nightxade missing, presumed dead

Image captured by Google Street View

A tragic car accident has finally claimed the lives of Wendy and Tiara, better known in the underworld, Thedas, and most of outer space as Nightxade and Digitaltempest, respectively. Their silver MAKO was found at the bottom of a cliff early this morning. While no bodies were found in the flaming wreckage, they are presumed dead or transcended.

Witnesses claim that their vehicle was swerving erratically all over the road, before mounting a steep, rocky incline and bouncing over the edge of a cliff. Evidence suggests that Nightxade had been the one behind the wheel. Alcohol is not considered a factor.

“They were just going out for french fries,” lamented Digitaltempest’s husband in an interview. Nightxade’s husband shook an angry struggle fist at reporters and otherwise  refused to comment.

Mothers and office workers by day, the pair frequently moonlighted as bounty hunters, assassins, superheroes, and members of Ryan Hardy’s Secret Taskforce (RHST) for the right price. Police have not ruled out foul play and/or Cerberus Rogue Faction involvement due to the nature of the women’s extra curricular activities.

Nightxade was recently arrested for the alleged use of blood magic, and Digitaltempest was up on charges for renegade punching a client. Their charges were dismissed after they thwarted a gathering of Joe Carroll’s followers, taught the Sith how to change lightbulbs, found where the whores have gone, and saved the galaxy from a reaper invasion by talking down Harbinger.

DT leaves behind a son and daughter, whom Google has since taken custody of, as per their recent contractual agreement. Nightxade’s first born daughter has been sworn to Bioware, but Marvel and Steam are both claiming paternal rights over the second daughter.

Their last will and testaments are currently under review, but their respective nephews have each laid claim to the Steam libraries and gaming laptops and accessories that both women have left behind.

Condolences can be reblogged on Tumblr with appropriate reaction GIFs. The family asks that, in lieu of flowers, donations be made to Nightxade and Digitaltempest’s favourite charity, Children of EEZO.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s