2 minute Justice League

In case you’ve missed the re-introduction of the Justice League as part of DC’s New 52 launch, I’ve decided to give you a synopsis to help you out. Because I’m nice like that.

Justice League #1

Green Lantern: Hey! You’re Batman! I didn’t know you were real! Want to see what I can do with my ring? I can make big green things!
Batman:
Aliens: DARKSEEEEEID!
Green Lantern: My alien ring does not recognize this alien cube.
Batman: This alien ring?
Green Lantern: Heeey! Give that baaack!
Batman: Superman’s an alien. He will probably know what the alien cube is for.
Green Lantern: Cool! Let’s go see him in my big green jet!
Batman: Inconspicuous.
Victor: Yay! Football!
Green Lantern: Oh hey Superman’s mad. I’ll deal with him. Bet I could kick his ass!
Superman: LOL no.

Justice League #2

Superman: Fighting!
Green Lantern: Fighting! Hey Flash? Wanna come fight with us?
Flash: Stop calling me Flash. People don’t know I’m the Flash.
Green Lantern: Okay Flash. Want to come fight Superman?
Flash: No. I’m working and it will blow my cover
Green Lantern: Okay. Want to fight Superman?
Flash: Okay.
Batman: Okay enough fighting. We only have a few more pages to go and the authorities are on to us. Let’s figure out what this box is.
Green Lantern: We’re not fighting anymore. Flash, want to ditch these guys?
Alien Cube: PING!
Victor: Dad! You promised you’d come see my football game.
Dad: I lied. I don’t give a shit about your football. I’m making science stuff that will make what you “do” obsolete. Hopefully some sort of convenient accident will happen in the next few pages to prove it to you.
Victor: [tears]
Alien Cube: PING!
Star Labs Guy: Oh shit.
Alien Cube; [‘splodes]
Aliens: DARKSEEEEID!
Victor: Dad???
Dad: VICTOR!

Justice League #3

Wonder Woman: I have a sword with no scabbard! I will protect this land from the darkness lurking within! Oh ice cream is very yummy.
Steve: [facepalm]
Batman: Dammit, Green Lantern!
Flash: Wow! Superman is cool!
Dad: Victor! I’ll save you with my conveniently placed nanites!
Aliens: DARKSEEEID!!!!!
Wonder Woman: I am here to help you, males! I have a sword!
Green Lantern: [hormones]
Flash: [stare]
Batman: Will hit that later. Aliens first.
Superman: [flirt]
Wonder Woman: [flirt]
Aquaman: I am so cool, and you will be my bitches.

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