Wonder Woman – The Angry & Bitter Tour

My tits.

Well, thanks to a friend, I watched the pilot for the failed Wonder Woman series. I didn’t hate it, I suppose, but I wasn’t at all impressed by it. I do not know the Wonder Woman from comics well enough yet (workin’ on it), but I got the feeling that that Wonder Woman wasn’t quite so angry and bitter. Lonely, maybe, but this new TV Wonder Woman was just. Angry. She hates babies. She breaks arms to get the truth out of people (instead of using the more convenient “Lasso of Truth”). And she kills people.

Did I mention she is angry? And bitter?

And at the end of the day, she puts on her glasses and nerdy ponytail and cuddles up with her one friend, Sylvester the cat, and tries really hard to make a Facebook page for Diana Prince, the identity that she’s keeping from the world that loves Wonder Woman, who is played by Diana Themyscira.

The notion of separating the three entities was … silly. It just didn’t work. And you know it didn’t work because there is a confusing moment where she and her assistants have a confusing conversation about it in order to explain it to the audience. It’s not like she’s hiding that Diana Themyscira is Wonder Woman, so why bother with the business woman identity at all? Oh, right, I guess so that she can have the pathetic home life that makes her human so that we can feel sorry for her. The being human part apparently is the underlying theme that we’re to watch for. In case you missed it, it was driven home at the very end of the show, so you better be feeling sorry for her by then!

Not my tits.
In a business meeting to discuss the new Wonder Woman doll, Diana Themyscira gets angry (did I mention she’s angry?) and bitter (did I — oh never mind) about the doll’s “tits”. Her use of the word is reprimanded, to which she retorts:
“No Wonder Woman isn’t vulgar. Wonder Woman is perfect. Perfect tits. Perfect ass. Perfect teeth. … She always does everything right. God forbid she’d make a mistake. Sorry. We’d expect the world to think her human.”
This scene might have made some sense if she didn’t keep sticking her ample tits into an ill-fitting corset throughout the entire show.

We’re supposed to believe that she wants to help humanity and she does so by kicking ass, but what we really see is that she’s angry and bitter at something and vigilante ass kicking  is her therapy. I found myself wondering if she and Batman had been hanging out recently. Fortunately, her ex-boyfriend (who is now married but moved to LA to be near Diana – oh boy, drama — except for the complete lack of charisma from said ex-boyfriend!) is around to protect her from the legal backlash of all the violence.

You get the distinct impression that Diana Themyscira is only putting on a costume and pretending to be good and pretending to want to help humanity, but in truth, she just wants to beat up on people. The whole “being good” part seems to get in the way. But hey, the public loves it, giving her big standing ovations every time she does something wondrous. It’s good for business (whatever it is her business does….)

By the end of the pilot, she’s already defeated her arch enemy. Sure Veronica Cale has lawyers, and there are all those technicalities, and we know how the justice system works, but are we really going to run with that plot? More importantly, didn’t Sharon Stone already cover the shady pharm-business in Catwoman?

At least the jet was kind of cool.

It’s very sad that such an iconic character has ended up in NBC’s trash. Hopefully, it doesn’t mean the end of the attempts to bring her back to the screen, though. The key, as with all such characters and stories so heavily rooted in fandom, is to make sure that there is a fan behind the scenes, bringing her to life. Someone who cares about her. Someone who will be her friend on Facebook…

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