I came downstairs to find J half way through Transformers 2, which annoyed me because I would have liked to have been asked if I wanted to watch it too. He made some excuse about the first part being crap and he thought I didn’t want to watch it anyway. He didn’t want to watch it anyway either. Thanks for asking, punk.
Anyway, I was fine with just watching the last half, but he reset it and told me to call him when I caught up. I should have realized something was wrong when he left without wanting to rewatch any of the first part. I should have believed him.
I caught up quickly considering I spent a lot of the time fastforwarding through any scene with Sam in it (J rejoined and said he’d done the same). And soon I was fastforwarding through any fighting robot scene without Optimus in it because of how visually confusing it was. Who’s bright idea was it to make the Decepticons so completely indistinguishable from each other? I can’t even tell where their faces are.
Meanwhile the Autobots — well we have more of them now, which means even less characterization, but lots of room for stereotypes. We had Jazz, the black guy, in the first movie. Since he died, we had to replace him with not one, but two black guys and we had to up the racial stereotype in an effort at comedy. Better yet, let’s really make them “black” and make them illiterate ganstahs!
Oh and speaking of black guys, I’m happy that Tyrese was out of the movie for whatever reason and was thereby saved from this horrendous horror. Fortunately for Michael Bay, there was another hansome bald black guy available to replace. Perhaps in the last half of the movie, both he and Josh Duhamel actually got to do something to earn that paycheque.
After the first movie, Michael Bay said he had so many more big robot things he had wanted to do in the first film, so you knew they were going to show up in the second. Only … well… I don’t know what showed up in the second. How do you make giant robot fight scenes so utterly sickeningly dull and, well, just crap.
Perhaps that’s not what he was referring to. Perhaps he meant he wanted to do more big robot fart jokes and potty humour. He got away with Bumblebee (who’s lost his voice again some how so we can cash in on that super awesome comedy of his XM Radio) peeing on someone’s head last time. This time? We have old man robot farts and Wheelie humping Megan Fox’s leg.
And that, is where we turned it off.
Considering how much I loved the first movie, this was just. Wow. Utter fail. It’s not often I turn off a movie. Hell, I even made it to the end of GI Joe despite how horrid that was.
Thanks, Michael Bay, for dragging my beloved Transformers through the poop.